(A parody… sort of)
Democrats in Sacramento are feeling dejected after internal divisions caused the unceremonious shelving of SB 497. SB 497 originally introduced by Anthony Portantino (D- La Canada Flintridge), was designed to limit individuals that are legally allowed to purchase firearms to a rationing scheme. Had SB 497 passed, law abiding individuals would only be allowed to acquire one firearm a month, period. Current law prohibits an individual from purchasing more than one “new” handgun a month. There are however no limitations on the number of long guns a person can acquire at one time. There is also an exemption for private party transfers of multiple handguns. This typically comes into play when someone is acquiring multiple weapons through an estate transference, or a judicial dispensation.
The purpose behind SB 497 was to not only to remove the exemption for private party transfers, but to ensure that dreaded long guns, ghost guns, assault guns, and war guns were also limited to a single firearm per month.
Senator Portantino spoke of the necessity to enact SB 497 when he introduced this bill. “No one needs more than one weapon a month. You don’t need more than one shotgun to shoot a deer.”
(And… here’s the parody part…) Assemblywoman Harriet T. Snodgrass-Dominguez (D- Rialto) echoed Portantino’s reasonable statements. “Let me speak in the language that gun owners understand” She stated from the Assembly floor. “God does not want you to have more than one gun a month! He has made it abundantly clear that he does not want you to have any guns at all, but he is willing to allow you to have one gun a month… but no more! If he did want you to have more than one gun a month, he would not have allowed the people of California to elect us as your representatives! Go take the money you save and buy dirt bikes or whatever you people do… but don’t question the merits of this bill. If you do you are questioning God!”
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The passion of those in the legislature that have pushed long and hard for reasonable gun regulations was thwarted by the Gun Lobby and their minions in the Senate.
“This is an important win for current and future gun owners,” said Craig DeLuz, spokesman for the Firearms Policy Coalition. “The rationing of civil rights should never be tolerated.” (This is not parody.)
(Still parody folks…) This statement, a clear micro-aggression and cultural appropriation of the historic black civil rights struggle, was pushed back by the head of Mad Moms Against Big Guns. Loretta Sanchez-Greenberg stated, “The NRA, the FPC, the CRPA… all of these bigoted racist, “anti-womyn" organizations, they all do the same damn thing. They make it hard for us to get what we want. We are only interested in making sure that people don’t have guns. How hard is that to understand? What right minded educated person wants a gun anyway? Senator Feinstein was correct in saying that if no one had a gun in an active shooter situation, the bad guy would just put his gun down realizing that there was no one around to fight back. The presence of guns just makes everyone feel icky.” (Unfortunately, this last part is not parody.)
Tom Smith of the NRA was quoted as saying, “There is no rational reason for the State to limit someones ability to acquire a presumptively legal product. More to the point, these products are protected by the Second Amendment to the Constitution. The only way for a fundamental right to be restricted by a state law is for that law to be tested against the rubric of “Strict Scrutiny”. Under that test, there must be a “compelling state interest” that necessitated the crafting of the law, and there can be “no less restrictive alternatives.” Clearly, under SB 497 would fail that test and would have cost the State hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees defending a law that would have been overturned as unconstitutional.”
(Back to parody) “Bull —-it” said Assemblyman Hugo Rodriquez (D- Novato)
“There is no reason, we need to be constrained by a document like the Constitution! That was drafted by white guys, white guys that owned slaves! The whole damn thing just gets in our way. We are not now, not ever going to be constrained by the selfish words of wealthy religious fanatics from over two hundred years ago.”
Since SB 497 was gutted to not include the one gun a month restriction, progressive democrats are dealing with the emotional ramifications. This week, crystal meditation specialists and yoga therapists are partnering with minority sensitive grief counselors to ensure that our elected representatives are well taken care of and prepared for the next legislative session.